It's Monday, Isn't It?

Today was my son's 10th birthday. He's been so excited for weeks now, and I've been excited to make it fun for him. His day seemed to go fairly well. Here's how mine went.

I wake up, still feeling moderately awful from a rough weekend. Recently diagnosed with asthma, which in and of itself isn't such a terrible thing - it's that it's been misdiagnosed for years, apparently. And for the past 6 months has been flaring up and giving me hell to the point I'm just worn out, and so are my lungs. So yeah, not such a hot start to things, but we soldiered on.

Son was all adorable and smiles waking up. I had warm towels fresh out of the dryer, new clothes laid out for him from Grandma, and he was in good spirits: the day was improving.

I should have known right there it wouldn't last.

In anticipation of a busy morning, and an excited boy who would need extra supervision, I'd showered the night before, and got things laid out for the day. Unfortunately, the coughing and wheezing just wouldn't let up, and slowed me down. Still manageable at this point.

Son, as it turns out, was very, very excited about the new Legos Grandma and Grandpa sent, and had settled in building another of the sets by the time I got downstairs. I couldn't drag him away from it, and he was heading down the path to meltdown on account. So I eased back, having not the energy nor the patience for a prolonged fight over it, and continued to encourage him to get his shoes on, and put the toys away, while hitting up a dose of ye olde albuterol to kick start the lungs.

We get everything going, and him off the toys ... and I forget that I need to pack him a lunch on top of everything else. And I have to keep him out of the kitchen while I do it, so he doesn't figure out where I've hidden the balogna (due to his habit of snarfing the whole package when we aren't looking, which just ain't healthy). While I'm doing that, and adding a little personal note to the lot - you guessed it, he's back on the Legos, and I'm in a panic.

I can't get him convinced until I'm good and late, and worked up enough that I need another hit on the albuterol - breather this time, for a quick shot.

Not a problem, right? Wrong - got to walk him in, because we have a whole sack full of cupcakes for his birthday treat for his class, which every child knows is a Big Thing that they look forward to doing. Store-bought cupcakes, to boot because lord forbid we be able to you know, make anything and bring it, for fear of allergies.

(Which I found out really isn't the case, just the excuse. A co-worker spilled the real story, about how some worker got meningitis or some other such communicable disease, and it resulted in a minor epidemic around the metro area some while back, so they shut down bringing in homemade things .... and just never re-instituted the practice, once they had it banned. Not that it makes a lick of sense, since a food worker would be spreading it in any case, and it was not the home baked goods that did any of it to begin with. Ah, politics and your long-standing divorce from common sense. Whatever would we do without you.)

In any case, by this time, we are late for school as well, though only by minutes. We go in, and then have to stand in line with the other kids late by minutes, while they do the pledge of allegiance and the whole spiel over the P.A. system.

We get to his locker, and he has to go through everything at that point for some reason, separating what he needs and what he doesn't and getting the rest put back into his locker. I figure by this time, whatever works, and keeps him smiling, because no one wants a breakdown on a birthday, right?

We finally get him into class, his late slip to his teacher, his treats on the cupboard, and him in his desk, and I depart. Since I am already late, I figure I'll get some juice for the throat, and while I'm at it, get a jump on the balloons - as the weekend had been a bust given how sick I'd been. Got them pre-ordered, got my juice, got on the road ...

And got stuck behind some lovely commuter who figured driving slower in the fast lane was the Right Thing to Do. Unfortunately, I couldn't get past them due to the rest of traffic, and the sporadic construction going on, narrowing the lanes here and there. Not until right about the time it was to change lanes and get set up for my off ramp was I able to pass, and by that time, it didn't really matter anymore.

The rest of the drive was fairly smooth, no problems. Until I got to the parking lots. Holy Hades, I had never seen them so full. And worse, even though I was later, and generally by that time someone has come and gone between buildings, or on appointment, or some such thing and opened up a closer space, there was none to be had. And I mean none.

It was so full, they had taken up spots to either side of the lanes making it a very tight squeeze just to drive through the lots - you know, end of a row, park just outside of it? Yeah. I saw one lady squeeze her SUV into such a spot and glance over at me with a face full of guilt as I keyed in and tried to find something, anything that would let me in.

Nada. First lot, full. Second lot, shockingly full. Third lot ... what? Locked? It's never locked. It's the biggest one - and least convenient, hence last resort. Ok, not really last. The very last resort is surprisingly enough, back across the four lane divided road that I have absolutely NO chance in running across in my current gasping state.

I hit the albuterol again, coughing and muttering all manner of dire imprecations under my breath at this point. And then I pull around to the road across from the parking garage (that bastion of hope for guaranteed parking that you have to wait by seniority to even get in, and that after about 3 years given the waiting list at this point), to where the meters are.

No parking from 7-9am and 4-6pm. Ok, it's after 9 at this point, I'm in the clear. Feeling out of options, tired, crabby, and still wheezy, I fumble around for change, and start feeding the meter. I get a whopping whole hour out of it.

Ok, that's enough to get my backside in to work, get things settled, go get some change, and at least put in enough so I can move it later before towing time at 4pm. Right?

Across the street, up the elevator because at this point, stairs are simply not happening, let alone 3 flights of them. Through the skywalk for 2 more blocks, up the elevator, and coughing and gasping, finally to my desk.

As I pull up my computer, I can see right away my email is not working. Again. It has been a constant problem for the past couple months, and has just gotten progressively worse. It loses server connection, inexplicably. This means I can't send or receive, and restarting it is not a guarantee. Nor is a complete reboot. It asks for a password we were never given, and don't have access to, and only restarting it syncs it correctly from our end. (Considering getting Help Desk on it takes for freaking ever ... no.)

After messing around with that for far too long, and making the usual greetings and explanations, and inquiries after co-worker's health given how many had been sick, and what not last week, I finally get it going, and find I have a plethora of work to wade through. More than I would have liked. Much, much more.

Nothing to it but to do it, so again, soldiering on. I just hit my stride when I suddenly realize there is something I needed to do.

The meter needed feeding, and I was 10 minutes late to do it. The sign did mention towing, so I get up and head back downstairs to the coffee/snack shop hoping to get some change with the purchase of a tasty rice crispy treat intended to take the edge off the stressful morning, and perhaps sweeten my disposition without me going into sugar overload.

Only they're out of change, and I'll need to find a bank. The funny thing about this is, I work in a bank, just not the sort that gives out money or deals with transactions. And the only one available is over a couple blocks, and not our bank at all. Irony, one of life's little jokes - I don't care at this point, I just need to feed the meter and not get my car towed.

I go to the ATM. I wait. And wait. And fething wait for this guy in front of me to complete the 20 some odd transactions he's needing to handle there. I swear, he must have been checking everything from his savings, to his stocks, to his 401k or what have you the way he was clicking and noting, and going through screens there. How the heck long does it take to make a withdrawal for crying out loud? ARGH!

Finally he leaves, and the cash is mine in record time, and I'm off down the skywalk again in another direction hoping there won't be a problem getting some coin.

There isn't. Shock, awe. I walk out of there with a roll of quarters, a determined grimace, and a tight chest. And after I make it back out to where I'd left my minivan, I find to my surprise that first, it is still there and second, there is no ticket. Huzzah! Score one!

Then I start feeding quarters into the meter, trying to count out the hours that for some reason is a near impossible task at the moment. I can't focus, can't concentrate, and end up giving it one more quarter than it can handle, thus losing it entirely. Which given the cost of $1.25/hr kind of ticks me off. Just saying.

Back across the road, through the parking garage, up the elevator, two more blocks through the skywalk, up the elevator to the 7th floor, to my desk, and collapse at my chair, all wheezy and gasping again. Yes, gonna live. Ha ha. Where's that breather ...

It's at this point I see an email about side-by-side training. Having only worked 2 days the week before due to being out sick, and off to a late start today, I offer my explanation to my manager as to what's going on, and why I need juuuust a little more time to get things in order before I have someone sit down with me. I explain about the asthma, and reassure her it is going to get sorted, but for the next while, I'm just gonna be a little wiped out and such. I hit send.

I then realize I had chosen 'reply to all'. I desperately try to cancel the send, but NOW of course, my email is working just fine, and it's off in a flash. Thank you to all my co-workers, there's my little slice of life for the day, hope you all enjoyed that glimpse, yes I am trawling for sympathy. >_< Yeah, no. At this point, I just want to go home and hide for the rest of the day. I joke to my manager about a transfer. She laughs it off, and wishes me well saying 'It's just a Monday.'

Yes. Yes it is. And oh how I hate it. I'm forgetting something else, aren't I?


Ah yes. Calling Pizza Ranch to make sure it's ok to bring the cake in. Thank the powers that be, they say absolutely, in fact we don't have anything going on tonight so we can reserve the room, no problem. Bless you, faceless young adult on the other end of the phone, bless you.

From there on out, it's a matter of trying to explain to people who are demanding updates, status reports, and immediate answers to at least 40 of the 80 some odd files I'm working on that I'm doing the best I can, I've been unexpectedly out of the office lately, and I will make sure everything is addressed by the end of the week if not sooner.

I prioritize my hot list, concentrate on the faxes and emails with attachments that came in meaning new information and documents, speak to some borrowers, and prep some files for underwriting review.

Or I would if the program that houses and shows us all our loaded documents that pertain to the files was working correctly - which it isn't, again. That particular program has been also giving many of us grief of late, and today it seems hell bent on making it impossible to do what I need to do and move these files on.

Wasn't there something I was supposed to ... oh crap, that's right. I have to go move my car. Because for one, there was only so much time put on the meter. And why? That's the other thing - between 4pm-6pm, cars will be towed. That really, really would put a crimp in things at this point, so it is once more unto the breach, down the elevator, across two blocks, down the stairs, and to my car. Thankfully, there are very close parking spaces, and the lucky sods who come in early and leave early, are on their way home, making even more space available.

Lovely. Back upstairs.

It's another hit on the breather, and then I end up going back through emails to find the right ones that have the attachments for the documents I need to look at to fill in the screens so I can send on the file for review. It's cumbersome, it's irritating, but it gets the job done.

Thirty minutes after when I'd hoped to leave, I'm clocking out and despairing of how the rest of the week is going to go if this is how it's starting out. Not to worry though, right? All I need to do is grab some plates, and pick up the balloons. Right?

Not thinking clearly, I hit Nobbies because hey, they've got all the cool party things there, right? You think I can find the island bits to go with the volcano cake I'd made over the weekend? Nah. Though I did find some earring sized glowsticks to toss into said volcano to make it glow. Win, there. I end up getting some red plates for the cake instead, because son loves red - something I could have just picked up at the grocery store and made one stop with. Oh well.

On to grocery store where I also pick up, along with the balloons which look great, even if I committed heresy by putting Marvel and DC universe characters together in a bouquet, a tube of green frosting for the greenery I'd forgotten to put on the aforementioned volcano. I go for the frosting in a can with attachable tips for ease of use, and quick delivery.

I call the hubby, tell him to head on over and I'll meet them over there. I want to dot some green on the cake, and change into more comfortable casual clothes, and it should only take a few brief minutes - which it does. Even the grabbing of daughter's camera after calling to confirm isn't an issue. The only problem? You knew there was going to be a problem by now, didn't you?

The dry ice.

Yep, I had been right there at the store where you can buy it easily. And I hadn't. Why? Because I had some at home, didn't I? I mean, daughter had picked some up for me in any case, the day before ... oh that's right. Regular freezers, not cold enough. I had a bag of ice fluff, and that was it.

Crap.

No worries, we have several grocery stores, two of which are fairly close even. I'll just run over there, grab some, and be just a few minutes late.

Only the first one doesn't have any. That's ok. I'll hit Dahl's. Further out, but not as far as the Hy-Vee. I get there, head inside, and ... can't see the dry ice. I ask the nice lady at the deli, who is one of those adorable little elderly women that's short enough I have to stretch just a bit to see her properly on the other side of the tall display case. She points it out with a smile, I thank her sincerely, and off I go.

Of course there is no one in sight to assist, but that's ok - there's gloves. I open the case ... and can't see any ice. It can't be, can it? All this, and no ice? Wait, that's just a pad on top. Open that, and VOILA! There are huge blocks of dry ice just waiting for ... wait, wait, wait. How do I break off a chunk to take with me? There are no bags, or wrap to package it in ...

Crap.

Off to find some help. No one at help desk. Cashiers are all busy. What do to, what to do ... there. I'll buy one of those reusable cloth bags. That should hold it. I go back to take a look again, and finally there are people at the help desk. Three in fact, all employees, all standing around chatting it up. One of them points out I need assistance, and I'm told that no, they don't sell it in bits. It's an all or nothing sort of gig for their dry ice.

All eight pounds of it. Yes, that's right - eight pounds of dry ice for a cup that probably only holds a cup-worth of liquid to begin with.

Crap.

Not to worry, I am nothing if not resourceful, right? Off to another aisle to find kitchen gadgets. An ice pick, tenderizer, something ... no, nothing. There is however, a small hammer for $7. I ponder for half a second, and grab it. There. Bag for ice. Hammer to break piece off ice. Gloves on, ice in bag, gadzooks it's heavy and fething cold, and off to the checkout. Bag, ice, hammer. Yep, that'll do sir, thank you, have a nice evening yourself, I'm outta here.

I don't even stop to gas up, I don't care that the light is on, I have got a party to get to, and I am late. Very late.

I find our little crew set up all cozy-like in the back room, surrounded by plates, and with surprise - Megamind playing on a tv for son. Fantastic, right?

Wrong. Tonight, of all nights, they ruled that one plate of the chicken fries weas all that would be forthcoming, or we'd have to buy more. This is during the buffet. They have always offered to cook him up a bunch of those things every other time we've been there where it wasn't a special occasion, whether they had them out on the buffet or not. But no, not tonight. Not happening. And the pizza? He didn't like the thin crust. And it was so busy, they'd run out of the regular crust.

The pizza place 'ran out of' regular pizza crust. Yes, you read that right. Ran. Out. Of. Crust. Excuse me?

In the meantime, we get the cake going. I'd already added the ice out in the car and whacked a few chunks off with the hammer, so all we had to do was add water from the bottle I'd brought.

Son was thrilled, and it took his mind off the pizza dilemma for the moment. The candles had a little bit of a hard time at first due to the CO content, but we worked it out, all bubbling and smoke rolling down the sides all nifty-like, and sang happy birthday.

But he still wanted pizza. So I went out and tracked someone down to put in the request. It happens all the time with the buffet - something you want that isn't out? No worries, request it, they bring it to your table first, and then take the rest over for other folks to sample. Very nice lady said they had the pan crust, and offered to get one of those going - outstanding, that will be great, thank you very, very, very much, hallelujah.

So while they get that going, it's back to entertaining son, and he's having a good time with the movie. Everyone else is being really good sports, including daughter's boyfriend who I'd told her was fine to invite along. Always good to get to know potential in-laws, and even barring that, good to know who is dating my daughter. Seems like a nice kid so far, and the two of them were clearly having fun hanging out together. It's just me fretting at this point, and worrying isn't going to solve much, so I get some salad and chicken and eat while we all visit and wait for son's pizza to get finished.

Only no one comes by. So I check, nothing out on the buffet yet ... wait, check, no ... wait ... oh, there it is. Never did make it in to us, so out we go son and I, to fetch some pizza. He's thrilled. He tanks down three huge pieces. He wasn't kidding when he said he was hungry. Outstanding.

The dry ice has congealed in the cup due son continually adding water to it, and the water had by now, sputtered onto the cake making little drippy spots that went against my sense of decor, but no real harm done. No more smoke, just a disturbing sort of gurgling going on continually. Son asked at one point if it were going to blow. I reassured him no, but continued to keep an eye on it all the same. It would be just my luck at this point, after all.

We're some of the last people out, and even after all that work and effort, the cake and ice cream, handily being kept iced and not melted by virtue of the huge block of dry ice in the bag, go untouched. Not to worry, we're off to bowling. The cake was fun, it served the purpose of being both celebratory and fun for son - good enough.

Bowling was actually a lot of fun, even if I bowled rather poorly. Thank heavens for the chairs - I was more than exhausted at this point, but was not about to be the downer in any way, shape, or form. No way, not after all we'd been through to get to this point. We sat and chatted, pulled faces at one another, joked around, and generally goofed off. Son won. He was again, thrilled. 'I SO pwned you all.'

Yes dear. Yes you did. Good on ya. \o/

Of course it's on the way home that things begin to fall apart. You see, he had math to do. Homework respects not the birthdays nor other little occasions that fall into our lives, and bless his lil heart, he had 'neglected' (read: outright lied) to tell us that he had several pages that needed doing over the weekend. This was a failing on my part to follow up as I should have, and sick and miserable aside, I really should have checked more closely, in spite of reassurances, prior to Monday morning.

He and I had discussed it, and it was at the time, understood that he needed to work on them after he got home from school, so we could have fun tonight and not worry.

He conveniently 'forgot', and hubby was busy cleaning up a horrendous mess left by one of our dogs, and thus distracted from following up and well ... it didn't get done. So I said no worries, I'll help you with it.

Simple enough, yes? If you really believed that, you haven't been paying attention through all of this.

Oh no. It was meltdown time. "Why do I have to do this?" "Because you didn't do it when you were supposed to." "This is ridiculous!" "No, what's ridiculous is how you're acting." Rinse, cycle, repeat. We finally got through a page, with tears, and erasure marks, and miniscule holes in the paper from pushing just that hard when writing all ANGRY and grr.

Aw, bless.

Bedtime. And oddly, I think he was so worn out from all the excitement and fun and busy, that he really didn't object too strenuously. He said it was a great day in any case, homework aside, and in the end, that's what matters.

After he was tucked in for the night, I finally took my meds, collapsed in my chair, and ... well, wrote this, because I was just wound up enough I simply had to get it all out somewhere or I was going to explode.

And now that it is written, and the industrial-strength cough syrup has really set in, the dogs are downstairs, everyone save daughter is in bed (and she is due in the door any minute), I think I'm going to call it a Monday if not conquered, at least weathered, and go the heck to sleep already.

I'm giving Tuesday notice: I am in no mood for dickery, sir. Be on your best behavior.

Some Brief Observations

• Parenting is what gives one gray hairs. Trust me on this one. It ain't time that ages us, it's our kids, bless their little hearts.

• Even given the previous, I love my kids, a lot, and damned if I wouldn't do anything for them. In spite of the fact they're doing their damndest to drive me mad.

• Regardless of how it seems I've been a failure overall.

• Because when kids have problems, we parents tend to look at what we may have done to screw them up.
  

• No, I'm not the perfect parent - big surprise there.
  

• Gas prices have gotten past ridiculous and I'm sick of the stupid useless excuses the greedy bastard corporations are giving us.

• No matter what online game/forum/community you stumble across, there will be asshats. In droves.
  

• It's no longer freezing cold here. It's wet and windy. I'm sick to death of indoor recess on account of it. Have you ever seen the results of 100+ kindergarten kids who've spent too much time indoors? HAVE YOU? >_< Nevermind all the other grades.
  

• I still love my job.

• Even with the hyperactive kids.
  

• Even considering the ones who seem to get sent to the office at least once a week if not more.
  

• I'm sick to death of the 'campaign trail' and all the bs that goes with it. Baw, baw, baw, the other side said something mean, pay no attention to the negativity we're flinging, baw. At this point, they all suck, I wouldn't care to vote for any of them, and I'm mighty tempted to just write in the one I would have preferred anyways so at least I can live with myself the next morning.

• Yeah. Screw you, Hillary. Sideways. Rabid porcupine. And Obama - WHAT CHANGE EXACTLY?!? McCain - don't get me started. Bleah.
  

• Still very much looking forward to summer. Oh so very very much.
  

Still Alive and Kicking - Like a Mule

Wow, has it really been that long? Obviously I've not had enough to rant about. Which I guess isn't such a bad thing in the end.

Although, in retrospect, there are some things I suppose I could lump together for giggles.

• The cold. It sucks. And having beautiful sunny days while it's -30F is utterly ridiculous and a complete lie by the powers that be.
• Being sick on your birthday. Also sucks, while adding insult to the injury of being yet another year older. How old? Too damn old for this shit, I tell you what.
  
• Not getting paid a full day when your work is shut down due to nasty weather, because unlike the teachers, you're hourly. NOT MY FAULT, DAMMIT! *shakes a fist at the stupid Midwest weather*
• Having to let one kid out of 540 do whatever he wants because no one is willing to deal with his meltdowns while we wait for the red tape to be waded through to get someone who can handle him on a one-on-one basis. I don't care what the problem is - if a kid knows right from wrong, they should be expected to adhere to the same rules and expectations as everyone else.
  
• Did I mention the cold? It still sucks.
  
• Election year - if I really get going on this now, this post will drone on for pages. Suffice it to say, the bullshit has gotten deep, and I am again disappointed. Should the unthinkable happen and Hillary win, I am so taking up a collection for her permanent removal. Don't even get me started about McCain.
  
• This long drawn-out war. GET OUR PEOPLE HOME, AND QUIT SCREWING AROUND.
• AstroEmpires - fun game, some good folks - and a load of little boys wanking entirely too hard over their e-peens. Seriously kids, you keep that up, they're gonna fall off. Oh - and anyone can be a jerk online. It doesn't take any special talent. Yes, that means you.
  
• Still. Bloody. Cold.
• They need to come up with some gene therapy that makes it so dogs don't shed. They're cute, they're lovable, they're loyal to a fault, but ye gods, the hair.
  
• Teenagers - they grow up too fast, and think they know it all. I'm sure this comes as no surprise, but once you get to deal with one of your own, let me tell ya what - it's an eye-opener. "Look mom, I'm curvy!" -_- "Yes dear. Now go to your room and don't come out until you're 24 and we've arranged a proper marriage to a nice young man whom we have carefully screened and threatened with violence should he ever do anything we wouldn't approve of ... scratch that, just go to your room."
  
• Cake should not have calories. Especially when it is so delicious and moist. THAT is the lie.
  
• Housework - it is NEVER done.
  
• Neither is home maintenance.
  
• Yes, still cold. Dammit.
  

So there you have it. Minor rant in between all the good things that have been going on over the past year, many of which I am not going into here because frankly, it's none of your damn business. Those who know me well enough either know, or can ask. :P

Now we'll see if my sick days are enough to keep me from a renewed contract with the school. If so, so help me, you are gonna see a rant then. If not before.

All the usual flap

It's that time of year again, when summer vacation is either near or here, and folks seem to be possessed of a fresh energy, just looking for ways to expend it.

Cue forums and their use.

While by no means is summer the only time when folks frequent them, many do seem to see an influx of users who now have more time on their hands, and a lot of pent-up energy to expend. Not all of them make wise choices in just how to go about that.

The past week or so there's been a number of issues crop up on the NationStates forums from this sort of thing that have given me pause, and offered an interesting insight to how various users think. It's also been interesting to see how the responses differ when a 'popular' vs 'unpopular' player is involved.

One was about ex-nation Hataria - a player who's come to have a well-earned reputation as being more trouble than he's worth to rp with in most cases. I can't count the number of threads in Moderation that have been posted by him whining, or by others complaining about him over the past while. He finally crossed the line, so it's been said, by threatening to sue Jolt or the NationStates folks, or whoever for not bending to his whims, and got his nation deleted - while still being allowed to create others and continue participating.

Now, as I said, the reputation was warranted. Still, throughout all of this there have been individual players, and groups of players, who've gone out of their way to bait and prod at every given opportunity, knowing how he'd react, and knowing he'd pretty much dug himself a hole with the Mods as it was, along with pretty much everyone else but the few who'd chosen to still try and put up with him.

They've been smacked for this behaviour before, but this time around, it seemed like they got away with more than they should have, all things considered. Granted, the Mods shut down the ridiculous landgrabbing that seems to result in some sectors when a nation goes inactive or is deleted, and a strong statement was made about any continuance of such gloating, but unless I missed it, I didn't see any real punishments for anyone other than Hataria this go 'round, which was unfortunate.

While it's one thing to object to ridiculous things when you're trying to interact with someone, it had turned into a constant posting by Hataria claiming whatever he liked, and by all accounts, disregarding negatives that had happened in previous threads, or just moving on and starting over without what his detractors claimed 'enough damage done', and then everyone and their dog jumping all over him for it. It was a vicious circle, with neither side willing to back down. He was determined to do what he liked, and they were determined not to let him.

On a free-form role-playing site, that can result in problems, considering no one is obligated to acknowledge anything anyone else does or doesn't do. Granted, there's the usual etiquette to be considered, one supposed, but there are no hard rules saying anyone has to adhere to anything but the overall rules laid out by the folks who own the boards to begin with. What the problem was here was a player who insisted on being problematic, but didn't want to deal with any consequences, and a group of others who insisted in turning it into a witch-hunt. I guess we'll see what comes of it after this - though damn, do I have to laugh at the idea of anyone suing over the loss of an account on a free forum site where the rules, and FAQ issues stating what rights players do and do not have are clearly laid out. (Not many, folks - it's free, and it isn't that hard to keep your nose clean enough to keep participating.)

Another less 'big and showy' one was Smunkeeville getting forum-banned not once, but twice in relatively quick succession over two entirely unrelated incidents. The unfortunate thing there was the player getting caught up in a heated discussion, and forgetting to keep herself out of the danger zone concerning posts while arguing passionately against someone who by all accounts richly deserved to get smacked.

It's another common problem, especially when players are discussing things that are either important to them, emotionally-charged topics, or all the usual controversial bits that tend to both draw a crowd, and bring out the worst in even the best of folks when the heat gets turned up. What's unfortunate is that generally well-behaved players have now and then gotten too caught up in either arguing their case, or 'pwning the troll' as the case may be, and have ended up in trouble on account of it. It's probably the main reason I rarely post on the General forum - I know my temperament, I know how cutting I can be when really riled up, and I know that it would all catch up with me eventually, and I'd be the one finding myself on the wrong side of a judgment call due to a number of the things that get discussed at length, repeatedly, and many of the personalities who tend to be rather involved in them who I know I'd end up clashing with.

Discretion being the better part and all that - I'd rather not lose the nation I've been having so much fun rp'ing with for the past what, 4 years now? Which brings me to the next bit concerning a somewhat controversial poster who's spent a lot of time on the boards, and who's supporters are up in arms over them losing their posting privs permanently.

Drunk Commies Deleted earned himself a Delete-on-Sight when he once again posted that he wished a group of people would be raped by AIDS-positive folks in front of their kids. He also posted an image that was found to be out of bounds, and unfortunately, a lot of players supporting him have seemed to be focusing on that more than the comments - for which he has been warned about before, specifically, saying that he was on his last chance.

This player has blown through several nation accounts, having 4 to 5 deleted for various infractions, piled up a number of warnings, and has been unofficially slapped on the hand numerous times. In spite of all of this, and the fact that he had been warned, and warned, and warned again, he has people arguing that the Moderators were too harsh. Mind, if this were some n00b off the street, no one would have cared, and some of these same people would probably have cheered.

Appeals for leniency have been many:

• "But he's been here so long."
• "But I liked his posts."
• "But it's been two whole years since his last deletion."
• "But the forum won't be the same without him."
• "But other people ..."
• "But you guys just don't like him."
• "But if we don't have someone stirring things up, it won't be as fun here."
• "But this one movie had something like that in it, and it's PG-13 ..."
• "But I don't like your rules anyway, so he shouldn't have to stick to them."

As I posted elsewhere, I'm sorry so many players are losing a poster they had fun with - that's never a happy thing. What I'm not sorry for is the Moderators upholding their decisions, and keeping the site as evenly-moderated as a varied group of volunteers is able.

We all have choices. We're all able to choose what we post, and take a moment to consider it before we hit that send button. The rules are out there for anyone to see, and a good lot of them are just plain common sense. When a line gets crossed, and it gets called, there's going to be consequences. No one can honestly say this player wasn't warned previously about it, and those claiming he must have 'forgotten', have got to be kidding themselves.

By what's been said this guy is 32 years old. I can't help but think that by then, SOME measure of accountability for one's actions is to be expected. Not so, according to the many apologists who've been coming forward, pleading for clemency on his behalf. Obviously, it's the Moderator's fault for not being nice enough, or patient enough, or some other such load of hooey, according to them. Then again, there seems to be about as many or more players saying DCD got what he asked for when he chose to post what he did, again.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'd rather not see the forums and their moderation guided by popularity, or whim, or to never know where I stand in regards to what I can and can't post. Now some will argue they still don't know, but I've found a majority of those seem to enjoy pushing the line and seeing just how far they can go before getting spanked for it, so take it as you will.

Debating doesn't need to involve personal attacks. It doesn't require name-calling, or an overabundance of foul-mouthed expletives, or all those fun fallacies that I've seen far too many try to get out of a meaningful debate either with, or on account of (right or wrong). It doesn't call for masses of image-spam, or off-topic bullshittery, or loads of insults couched just the right way so as to avoid official reprisals. Some folks get that. Some don't. Given the nature of the forums, I don't think we're ever going to see a time come where moderation isn't required - it's the nature of it, and people overall.

What would be nice to see more of is players willing to take their lumps when they've stepped out of line, and own up to their mistakes when they've been made (and not mistaken). Yes, it happens, and my respect for those players has gone up on account of it. All the same, I'm not going to hold my breath.

It tends to be human nature to want to 'take the piss' out of those who one disagrees with, or dislikes, and it seems the younger crowd overall finds it all too easy to do with little regard or expectation of consequences due.


All the same, here's to hoping things calm down, at least for a while that way. It's never fun to see more players get into trouble arguing over someone else's deletion or ban.

Don't Ask ...

What she said:
"How come someone hasn’t noticed
That I’m dead
And decided to bury me?
God knows, I’m ready."
La-la-la-da-da-dum ...

What she said was sad
But then, all the rejection she’s had
To pretend to be happy
Could only be idiocy
La-la-la-da-da-dum ...
What she said was not for the job or
Lover that she never had
Oh ...
No no no ...
What she read
All heady books
She’d sit and prophesise
(It took a tattooed boy from
Birkenhead
To really really open her eyes)

What she read
All heady books
She’d sit and prophesise
(It took a tattooed boy from
Birkenhead
To really really open her eyes)

What she said:
"I smoke ’cos I’m hoping for an
Early death
And I need to cling to something."

What she said:
"I smoke ’cos I’m hoping for an
Early death
And I need to cling to something."

No no no no ...

-- What She Said, The Smiths

"At night, the ice weasels come."

You know … it’s cold.


I realize this statement doesn’t come as a surprise to most, at least in the northern hemisphere, being winter and all, but still … it’s uncomfortably cold, and has been for a surprisingly long time. And they say it’s going to continue.


Now, I hear around these parts this cold is a bit unusual, given the timing on it, and the length of stay. Frankly, I’m to the point where I couldn’t care less so long as it goes, and leaves me in peace.


Honestly folks – when you have weeks upon weeks of temperatures in the mid teens or lower Fahrenheit, and the wind chills take it down to as low as -26 or so at its worst, it’s too stinking cold.


Don’t get me wrong – I’ve traditionally enjoyed winter. Traditionally. Until we moved out here where apparently the idea of usable snow, ie for entertainment purposes like skiing, snowmobiling, sledding, and snowman-building, are limited by both geographical and meteorological factors. Those being a decided lack of elevation of any appreciable sort, and the stubborn weather that seems to work hard at denying us snow that is packable, doesn’t immediately freeze, or blow away in those lovely bitter gusts, or come down as more a fine floating frost due to a high humidity, but extremely low temperature, or the fun stuff – moisture coming down as freezing rain or slush. In all our time out here, I think we’ve had one usable snowfall, and it was so cold we couldn’t stay outside long enough to truly enjoy it, and it soon froze into the lovely sheet of packed iciness the yard is currently.


Which is, so the weatherman says, to expect an additional 3-8 inches of gracious knows what over the next few days. Given our track record, in spite of the temperature sneaking above freezing for the second time since before Christmas yesterday, I do not have high hopes for this next snowfall.


Meanwhile in the stores I’m seeing the daffodils and tulips and hyacinths in cute little pots and cut arrangements, and I’m wishing I’d had the wherewithal to plant some of my own last fall, while at the same time being grateful I didn’t waste the money for fear the little bounders would never make it in the freezing cold. At this rate, I’m going to end up buying some for the tables in here, just to brighten up things a bit, and pretend that perhaps it really isn’t as dreary outside as I thought when last I looked.


I’m seriously ready for Spring, even if it means being faced with the monumental task of cleaning up the back yard from a winter of broken tree branches from neighbors, mess from the dogs – who thanks to the cold have been going stir-crazy indoors, and hate (and I do mean absolutely hate) going outside most of the time. I can’t say as I blame them. It’s miserable out there, and things froze so fast, our deck is an inch plus sheet of packed ice.


Meanwhile back home, they’re enjoying unseasonably warm temperatures, have had nicer snow, and not too out of the ordinary dosings of the nasty cold. Not that I miss everyone and many of the things back there or anything, mind. Oh gracious no.


Leaving more serious rants of more personal nature aside, I’m leaving it at that for now. I’m cold dammit, and even so, cannot give up my habit of ice water. So while I sit here in my cozy chair, sipping said beverage whilst curled up in a warm blanket, I shall be shaking my fist at the cursed Midwest weather, and waiting for signs that Winter’s tyranny is drawing to a close.

Funny, the Sides People Show

Ok, so it's been a while, but then I've been busy with things more important than causing offence here. Until tonight anyway, so here goes.

(Updates at the bottom.)

Steel Butterfly, another NationStates player, recently decided to go active again, and has been posting like a madman. Is there a problem with this, you may ask? Absolutely not. Play is play, and if it makes one happy, I say go for it.

However, when said player starts in with the hypocrisy and such, I tend to arch a brow and ask myself 'wtf'? Steel has often been quick to ask for things to be moved to 'more appropriate' forums when he felt his sensibilities offended or the like. So when he posted his veiled plea for attention on the NS roleplay forum, and several mentioned that this was likely not the best place to put it, and it indeed got moved, it was amusing as hell to see the snit he threw over the whole thing.

I'm going to fill in the gaps with the TG's that went back and forth, so you can enjoy the full effect of Steel: The Man, The Myth, The Meretricious Little Cockmonkey.

=====================================

It all began, it seems, when Jocabia asked in Moderation about holding a controlled debate thread in one of the RP forums, in an attempt to keep it a bit more clean than the usual way General threads go, considering the OP there does not have thread ownership or control. Needless to say, many RP'ers disagreed for various reasons.

Still, Steel felt it needed more attention, nevermind the fact that things in Moderation tend to get taken care of just fine, so he chose to fan the flames so to speak in International Incidents - which drew some rather heated comments, as one might expect given the 'rivalry' between forums and the like.

He also seemed to feel that posting there was not enough of a draw, so Telegrammed people about it. One of those turned out to be myself, for reasons I've yet to really understand. It reads as follows, seemingly a copy of the post he put in II:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=514253

Jocabia is proposing civilized debate threads on real-life issues being allowed in the NS and II forums.

Personally, I find this disgusting. There is enough of that bickering trash in General, and civilized or not, most of it is still annoying "Should Bush Be Impeached" or "Why do Gay People...?" garbage.

Do you want your forum of roleplaying turning into General2? Go to the thread in moderation and show your support for roleplaying.

I didn't appreciate having my TG box spammed with recruitment material of this sort, and wrote back saying as much, accompanied with the phrase 'get over yourself', I'm pretty sure. Possibly not the best thing to say, but at the time I wrote it, I felt it appropriate enough. Apologies, but I didn't save that response in full to share here.

He shot back a short reply about my not being able to predict what the mods would do, his thread was locked, the question about RP/Debate had already been taken care of, and I wrote back stating as much, and asking that he not TG me with this sort of thing again, thank you. End story, or so one might think.

Tonight, he puts up a thread in the NS forum asking for input from people who've interacted with him. Given the content, and the placement, and the fact that he pimped it in an ooc thread about his glorious return to RP, it seemed to be an ego-stroking thread. You can see my response stated as much, yet I did try to illustrate some points, and make some suggestions, if he really were serious about writing.

Surprisingly enough, he didn't take it well.

It also got moved, like all threads of that sort do that aren't spam but don't belong where they were first put - to the Jolt Chat forum. Shock and awe.

Then he chose to complain about it in Moderation, where I had to answer some veiled accusations. I also invited him to continue the discussion in TG if he felt he needed further clarification.

Amazingly enough, he responded with the following:

Dear Nathi,

It appears that I have somehow rubbed you the wrong way as of late. While my internet relations would typically bother me little, I remember our interactions from years ago and had always looked fondly on them.

Your current viewpoint on me is somewhat disturbing. Apparently I am an arrogant, antagonistic child who consistently blows things out of proportion and flaunts my own greatness by way of over-the-top productions in RP’s. Perhaps not surprisingly, that’s not how I typically see myself in the mirror.

Between the “Debates in NationStates” and the “Am I good enough to be a novelist” threads, you have come down on me rather hard, pointing out the above “flaws” that you have either directly or indirectly claimed I possess. It’s somewhat disheartening to see your name pop up randomly where ever I post only to see somewhat of a character attack within your responses or telegrams. I merely wonder why. Do you feel that you need to “bring me down to earth?”

Now, as per your response in the Moderation forum…once again we see you believing I need some sort of compliment in every response I get. Your lack of faith in my self-esteem aside, I still don’t see why you have to travel around, “calling me out” on it, especially when in most cases my intent was far from what you posted it being.

Don’t take this the wrong way, Nathi. I could have merely told you to fuck off or just ignored you, but I feel that neither would have been very productive. It’s not as if I’m infamous for spamming or whatnot, instead my “faults” have been very secluded and very rapidly “pointed out” by you, and the usual small sub-section of mods who feel quite similar to how you seem to. I just want to know what it is lately that has made me so despicable to you. Any enlightenment would be appreciated.

~Steel

I start to get the feeling he has some personal issues to work out after reading that. Still, he chose to take a tone, so I replied in like kind, trying to address his misunderstanding of the situation and some of his takes on things like 'stalking' and 'posting everywhere I show up', which were weird accusations to say the least, given the circumstances.

I think you’re operating under the delusion that you’re important enough or interesting enough to ‘follow around’, Steel. No one on this game holds that fascination for me, sorry to disappoint. I don’t feel a need to ‘bring you down to earth’. I will however answer truthfully when asked to reply.

I have never once posted ‘randomly wherever you post’. Two threads that you got a negative response in do not a pattern of stalking make, especially when one, you directly ask for the opinions of those who have interacted with you, which qualifies me, and the other, you tg’ed me pimping it after several of us had commented on the Moderation thread concerning it, and you decided, poorly I might add, to go stirring things up elsewhere.

You –have- blown things out of proportion. Your method of delivery –is- overly arrogant, and egocentric. And you do tend to focus on legitimate points concerning that to the detriment of other constructive commentary. Perhaps the problem with your mirror analogy is that we do not see ourselves in the mirror the same way others view us – simple science that, but something to be said for how it works all the same.

Threads of the sort you posted tonight with the ‘Am I good enough’ (a telling indicator in word choice there) have historically been as stated, ego-stroking sorts, regardless of your supposed ‘stated intent’. How you choose to say a thing is sometimes as much or more important as what you say, so stating you what you did or didn’t specifically state is just so much fluff and ass-covering in the end.

I’ve been around long enough (not just on NS, thanks) to know a plea for more attention, intentionally or not, when I see it. I could rattle off lists of what I would class as ‘good writers’ on NationStates who’ve never felt the need to do the same, and seem to get along just fine in whatever life choices they’re making, without drawing everyone’s attention to it with a misplaced thread asking for some form of validation. Those looking for said validation by, and assistance in making life-altering choices amongst the various faceless posters of NationStates, regardless of forum, are likely not ready to be making those choices, for one reason or other. Perhaps you should give that a bit of thought before berating people for suggesting your thread was out of place.

I illustrated quite clearly what ought to be done rather than poll what handful of players might happen to respond to your thread, and you dismissed it out of hand. Not my problem. It’s not as if I’d know anything about it, having never been say, a member of a writing group, or gone through the process of submitting writing, or taken classes on the subject of writing, or done any research on the topic. Heaven forbid you might actually get something out of getting rightfully chewed on a bit.

Honest responses aren’t about hand-holding or coddling all the time, nor does there have to be some great conspiracy, or existing bias aside from a casual dislike of methods and attitudes to prompt someone to call it as they see it. Sometimes the truth hurts, boyo. You can either learn from it and grow from the experience, or continue to believe it’s everyone else’s fault, not your own, and stagnate. Your choice.

I hope some clarity has been achieved.

--Nathi’s Player

You can imagine my surprise when I get this caustic bit of vitriol in response:

I suppose you've made yourself quite clear. It amazes me that someone who is readily convinced that her shit doesn’t stink to throw around accusations of egocentricity, but I suppose that if arrogance is my vice, a “holier-than-thou” attitude is yours. The similarities are somewhat amusing, but I have an idea that you’re not laughing. Unfortunate, to be sure.

As for me “pimping” a thread, I think I need to clear something up. Both the thread in International Incidents bringing people to the cause and the comments in Moderation came before your “pimped-out” telegram. As you so elegantly said to me, don’t operate under the delusion that I would first telegram you to get your support for something before looking elsewhere. You only posted after the telegram was sent. If you didn’t read it until after you posted, then so be it, but that’s none of my concern.

If clarity and mirrors are what you seek, I’d advise you to clean yours. Unlike you I don’t throw my personal attacks around in people’s threads, but as I alluded to before, much of what you dislike about me you exhibit yourself.

You gave me an honest response, but you bookended it with childish flames and personal snipes that you must have thought were witty. Your analysis of my character (a plea for attention) only goes to show how “above me” you think you are. I was humble enough to put my work out there for analysis. Perhaps these “good writers” you know should do the same.

I’m not expecting you to admit it, or even realize it perhaps, but regardless of how crude this may be, I’d advise you to stick your hand down the back of your pants and sniff it, just to see if your shit does in fact stink. I think you’d be surprised at the results.

Congratulations on inspiring me to sink to your level of petty flames. I can only assume this is what you meant by personal growth.

Reluctantly,

Steel

Not only does he seem to again miss points and focus on the 'but you don't like me - WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME YOU BITCH' crap, but he seems to think I'm somehow saying I'm better than him. I read back, trying to see where I compared myself or my work to him or his anywhere, and fail to find it. I thought this was about him and his seeming feelings of inadequacy - I have plenty of my own without pausing to borrow, thank you very much. I also try to find where it is I 'flamed' him, and where I pulled the same sort of things he did in his response, where he says I inspired him to 'sink to my level' and the like. Again, I fail. Not only did I avoid crudity, but I answered him using his own points, words, and analogies.

Am I supposed to lie when someone asks 'am I arrogant', or is it better to say 'yes, yes you do come across that way'? Have I been guilty of arrogant responses or stances myself at times? Hell yes, and I've never denied it. The stuff he chose to spew however, was both uncalled for, and yes ... childish. The very thing he was crying loudly about not being.

His comment about these 'other writers' putting their work out there for criticism? They do it every time they post on the NationStates forums. I guess he missed that during his ranting, further proving his hypocrisy when he reacted with neither grace nor style when people didn't tell him what he wanted to hear. Nothing 'humble' about that. Along with the fact that I failed to get into an in-depth character analyzation of him. I merely commented on what was offered, and what he said in response. I can hardly be held accountable if he summed up those portions of his character far better than I did himself.

Unfortunately, the proof is in the pudding so to speak, and his continual whines and attempts at vicious little attacks with 'colorful' bits thrown in to make sure I understand just how juvenile he really is in his inability to respond without them, illustrate that he does indeed seem to be, in his own words, 'an arrogant, antagonistic child who consistently blows things out of proportion'.

Alas. I hope it was worth it for him.



UPDATE: Apparently the guy who holds General in such disdain has taken up the habit of posting there to get more face time. Regardless of his previous, and recent posts about how it is an intellectual wasteland with nothing to offer. And posting inane comments that add nothing to the conversation in Moderation, often over the top of Moderator posts that have alreay amply dealt with or answered the problem.

A recent post by The Blastit Empire in the latest ooc thread SB is working up for the next closed RP effort there made me chuckle.

You know, SB...

We, god's gifts, are truly the best.

Mmmhmm. If that's the case folks, God must really love gag gifts.

FURTHER UPDATE: Guess who found his way to IRC? Have to give the guy credit - he took the time to talk, and apologized "for the telegrams and such", chalking it up to taking things too personally. Can understand how that sort of thing can go, and respect an honest effort when its made. I'll be taking it as offered, at face value til proved otherwise (which will hopefully be 'never'), and consider the matter resolved.

What the hell is wrong with people today?

I can’t be the only one wondering, can I? I mean, have you looked at the headlines lately, and did any of it give you the least bit of pause, or are we getting so jaded that nothing that comes across our screens can phase us anymore?

Kids are told they can’t ‘grind’ at a dance, and because they dared, NO MORE DANCES! BAD DOG! NO BISCUIT! But hey, says another group – go ahead, abandon your unwanted newborn baby in a trashbag near a drainage ditch. We won’t charge you with attempted murder. Obviously, that wasn’t the intent. Right? I mean how could anyone possibly misconstrue putting a baby in a garbage bag and disposing of it as being less than nurturing.

No wonder kids are confused. Too many mixed messages. Harder to tell what’s right, what’s wrong, and the degree of which, one way or another, all those shades of grey might be.

We’ve got world leaders making bigger idiots of themselves than usual, seeing just how far they can play the crowd, stooping to name-calling and overdramatic insincere appeals whilst being broadcast worldwide - popcorn for all, folks! This isn't politics, it's entertainment!

There’s radical extremists demanding another faith’s leader step down for ruffling their feathers over a 14th century quotation - I mean, it isn't as though they have some of their own religious leaders calling for the heads of their detractors, encouraging murder and violence, and all the rest. And God forbid anyone make commentary on that, or by damn, you'll get more of the same, you corrupt bastards.

Coups and bombings and riots and military actions seem to be at an all-time high, whether truth, or being overexposed by a media hungry to instill fear in the general public. Lets haul out those statistics and really give those viewers and readers pause for the brief moment the number of those who've died registers on some level or other in their tiny barbaric brains.

Babies are being ripped from wombs or torn from their mother’s arms by insane wretches trying to hide behind their own lies, or even drowning in buckets of their own mother’s vomit because she was too drunk to care enough to prevent it. But that’s ok, she loved her baby, so obviously she can’t be held accountable, right?

Children are being raped and exploited, fraud of all sorts is rampant, murderers sit and laugh in the faces of their victim’s families with no regrets, and we have idiots thinking the most important thing in the world right now is getting the new Tickle-Me Elmo, and beating up anyone who gets in the way of doing just that is perfectly reasonable.

Seriously, folks. It’s gotten beyond stupid, and so has our supposed ‘justice’ system, that allows the guilty to go free or serve reduced sentences on account of plea bargaining and the like, and puts the public at risk with how it insists that something truly awful must happen before it can do anything about the problem. Even battered women’s shelters are no defense anymore – an abusive husband killed his wife at one when he pushed past an employee on their way outside.

I’m sick of seeing it every time I turn around. I’m sick of looking at my fellow man and feeling like a vast majority of them we’d be better off without. I’m sick of all the rampant stupidity out there that allows this sort of crap to continue, nearly unabated. And damned if I’m not sick of the injustice.

And unfortunately, all I have to offer as a solution to my current rant is for people to stop being such wastes of flesh, and start remembering that we’re all in this together, and by damned its time we started acting like it.

Yeah, I know. Like that’s ever going to happen.

Missed Opportunities of a More Important Sort

You knew it was too good to last. Eventually, that damned Nathi was going to post something here again. Chalk it up to busy schedule and while there's ample to rant about, nothing had really struck me until recently.

Please see my opening post should you have any issues with the following. No one's forcing you to read this anyway.

The Middle-East. How many years now has that conjured up images of war, and strife, and the usual bone-headed carrying on of some ancient insults and injuries and debate over God-given rights? Hell, I'm 35 now, and I can tell you I can't remember a time when it wasn't something or other over there. In fact, while we grew up in fear of The Bomb and 'those damned Russians' who were certainly set on our destruction, it was always the Holy Land and the surrounding area that always seemed going through actual blooshed and violence that was a lot more real and immediate than the vague yet frightening threat of nuclear anihilation.

It's not like I suddenly woke up and got upset about all the goings-on over there - it's been building for a while now. During the first 'Gulf War', I was engaged and worried sick that it was going to end up getting completely out of control, and that il marito and my little brothers, who were finally growing up entirely too fast, were going to end up drafted or the like. Overreaction? Possibly, but after so many years of relative inaction on our part overall, believe me, it was upsetting. I mean hey - I was born during the tail end of Vietnam. I remember the family talking about it, having had an uncle over there, and how uncomfortable a subject it seemed to be with society in general, and our history classes in school mysteriously seeming to end right about that time til I got to HS where a couple of teachers, one who'd been there, had no problems discussing the idiocy that went on with that, but after? It always seemed to be some other country, and someone else's problem, right up until we went into Kuwait.

I remember when the Israelis killed their own Prime Minister, Yitzhak Rabin - someone who seemed at the time, perhaps that region's best chance for some semblance of peace - and how right about then, after hearing them brag for so long about how they, unlike others, 'don't kill their own', I figured it was All Over, end story, and that the whole place was going to go up in a blaze of destruction. Overreaction? Perhaps, but then the last leader over there I remember getting assassinated was Egypt's Anwar Sadat and that whole ugly mess - the tail of which we're still dealing with today, what with several of the same folks involved in that still creating difficulties for the US today, if you do a bit of looking.

9-11. I'm not sure I'm of a mind to discuss all that terribly far. I still get teared up every time I see the ads for the new movie coming out on it, and it still makes me sick remembering watching the whole thing play out after an early-morning call from my mom who was in a panic having just seen the first reports coming in after the first tower was hit. I spent most of that day and the next week trying to convince her it wasn't the end of the world while she prepared 3-day kits for the entire family plus the two babies we had on the way, one of which was mine. The things that go through your head when you realize the sort of world you're bringing these kids into during times like that ... And in spite of the anger, and my entire family being all for revenge and the like, I couldn't help crying thinking of all the additional pain and suffering that was undoubtedly going to come on account. There was no way our government was going to let something of that magnitude pass. We all knew it.

We were down at my second youngest brother's wedding when the reports came in that we'd begun our retributive strikes. I remember sitting on the bed there at the hotel, holding my little boy and wondering just how far this all was going to go, regretting it happening, but agreeing that -something- had to be done. You'd think by now I'd start getting used to that sick sinking feeling in my stomach, watching the news, but I guess some things you just never get comfortable with.

So it's been a few years, and I'd like to think some good has been accomplished from all that mess. They dragged Hussein out looking like some mad half-starved dog. Iraq has it's own elected government, for what that's worth, and it seems like they're trying to pull things together. But still, every day there's more killing, more troops and civilians blasted to bits by roadside or suicide bombs, soldiers who were never trained to be police are put in impossible situations on a daily basis, dealing with levels of stress I can't even begin to imagine, and it seems from the reports that a handfull of them have finally cracked on account, with the usual unpleasant results. And even with the few good things, and even though I understand that just pulling up stakes isn't going solve anything, I can't help wonder, watching the same things go on day after day, if it's really worth it in the end. Maybe that area of the world has been at war and hated for so long they just don't know anything different anymore, and those who have opposing ideas get eliminated as soon as possible. I don't know.

One thing I do know is that as soon as we started gearing up for action, one of the first nations to get all gung-ho about their own issues was Israel. Unsurprising, if one looks at things historically. One tiny yet tenacious little nation, surrounded by enemies, but somehow having gained some pretty big guns in the way of allies. No big shock that when one of those allies gets hit and starts hitting back that they'd take the initiative to start pushing their own issues a bit harder. It's almost like 9-11 somehow gave Israel the right, in their eyes, to do whatever the hell they wanted in regards to the Palestinians - and now, the latest with Hezzbollah and the Lebanese.

Yes, I realize there's lots out there who compare the two actions - our own invasion of Iraq and all, and Israel's recent invasion of Lebanon, but I beg to differ. There's parallels to be certain, but there's far too many differences to chalk it all up to 'the same thing', and excuse the rather extreme overreaction of the Israelis.

Go right ahead and be as angry as you like - it's my opinion, and you don't have to agree with it. The Israelis are wrong.

Think for a moment about how Hamas and Hezzbollah have gotten to where they're at? While Israel has been bombing and destroying and harrassing, these groups have been building and educating and providing for. Is it any wonder common people look more favorably on that sort of thing than oppression and killing of their own? You can argue all you like about how terrorist groups are responsible for these people getting punished, and how in war, it's usually the common folk who get it the worst, but goddammit, it's got to stop somewhere.

Israel just waltzed in and has been doing its damndest to destroy a budding democracy who was just starting to get it's shit together, and why? Because a group the Lebanese government has no control over has been pecking at them. All of this over 2 soldiers, supposedly. Sounds more like they were just waiting for an excuse to go back in where they'd occupied before.

Now I can't condone terrorist acts by any of these smaller groups - but isn't that what helps define terrorism? Some smaller group acting against a larger established government? Legitimacy makes all the difference? Are you really going to sit there and tell me what Israel is doing is any different - bombing civilian centers and airports where it's own allies have thousands of citizens without warning, doing all it can to destroy a legitimate government to satisfy their own ends in going after a relatively small group that's unfortunately become a part of the nation they're so bent on destroying? It's different, some say? Why? Because they're bigger? Because they have the ability? Because 'we like them better'? Bullshit.

Opportunities missed. You want to take away the support of the common people for these violent groups, you have to win them over. Bombing them back to the stoneage, one might imagine, is probably not the best way to do that. It sounds as though the Lebanese would just as soon Hezzbollah not be using their nation as a base of operations either. Might it not have been perhaps more conducive to both winning friends and getting your way to, I don't know, HELPING the Lebanese government rebuild so it can take care of things? Working WITH them to try and remove the group together, rather than just bombing everything in sight? Offer aid and assistance rather than bombs and threats? And the audacity of the bastards, now saying 'sure, we'll accept a UN force there so long as you keep your nose out of our business'.

Every time these situations have blown up I've thought that's it, s' going to be all over now. Only this time, I'm starting to think they really have crossed that line, and it isn't going to end up pretty. Israel has pushed it too far, other nations there have been building up as well, and damned if pulling something like this isn't enough to unite them in coming down hard and heavy on Israel once and for all. With some of the comments being made on the news, I'm starting to wonder how far our own support will go. No doubt it'll go so far as it takes to keep nukes out of the hands of those we'd rather not have them in, but damned if a lot of pounding couldn't go on before we had to do something. Not that we're in much of a position to, given our involvement in Iraq and that whole mess still. Perhaps not the best timing on Israel's part to get all righteous rage on their unprepared neighbor.

So yeah, a bit of a rant there mixed in with remembrance and ample worry about the state of things in general. Don't even get me started on the whole religious angle on this - probably not what you might think. Signs of the times and all. Biblically seeing how it always seem like the Jewish people have had to get smacked down hard before they woke up and said 'oh, wait ...' It occurred to me the other night that if one of them is to happen, it's likely Israel is going to have to lose. The troubling thing is seeing how it's panning out, they might well be on their way to that.

Whatever the case, and whatever the arguments, I'm tired of the stress and fuss, and I'm tired of our nation politically supporting government-backed terrorism, while denouncing it and going after the bastards we don't like. Hypocrisy is never a pretty thing. And no, I don't blame our troops, for those who might look for that tangent. I've got the highest respect for those men and women. I blame our leadership and all the bullshit compromises and such that go on that put our soldiers in the positions they're in.

Probably not the most cohesive rantage here, but there you have it. It's past time I got to work, but I figured I'd get this out of my system, at least marginally, whilst it was bugging me again. I don't think I'll watch the news today in any case. It's just going to be more of the same, and frankly, since I know damn well no one involved is going to change their minds any time in the near future, and their heads are too damned set on 'destroy the infidel' and 'blow the shit out of those thrice-damned not-chosen-people' to even begin thinking of alternative solutions to what they've always done, there really isn't much point.

I feel sick enough this morning already.

To All the Tools I've Known Before ...

You all know how it goes. There are those out there who seem to live for going out of their way to be irritants, to belittle others for no good reason, and try, however lamely, to somehow present themselves as 'better than' everyone they happen to be snidely mocking at any given moment when it clearly isn't the case.

These folks go out of their way with elaborate smear campaigns, snarky commentary everywhere they can manage, and even entire websites devoted just to maligning whoever happens to have raised their ire for whatever reason with as juvenile methods as can be imagined.

Not to make a valid point.

Not to illustrate a real problem.

Not to attempt with some wit to legitimately call folks on fallacies.

Just to be a prick.

Well, I got to thinking and decided that I at least am going to give them all the attention they deserve: